Nathanael
Instead of sharing about a word or singular characteristic, I thought I would share about my husband, Nathanael. Don’t worry - the intent behind this post isn’t to gush about how wonderful my husband is, although I certainly could. The purpose in writing about Nate is to share some important lessons I’ve caught, while watching him live – specifically in the areas of forgiveness, faith, and ultimately love.
(our wedding day, October 15, 2004)
Tomorrow (Saturday) marks twelve years as being husband and wife. The past twelve years have been anything but smooth sailing. Our married years have been marked with differing political views, near financial collapse, deployment, depression, job changes, identity crises, legal issues, few common interests, illness… the odds haven’t exactly been stacked in our favour. So how is it that we are still even together?
It truly is a God thing. That, and Nate’s an amazing forgiver.
I suppose I saw forgiveness as something we are obligated to give away – and that if I asked, I should expect to be forgiven. Truth be told, for many years I saw forgiveness more as an exchange of socially expected “pleasantries”, than an action. But that’s what it is - action. The easy part is saying “you’re forgiven.” The hard part comes in actually doing the forgiving – not holding a record of wrongs; not lording one’s past over them as leverage, giving the recipient a fresh chance - room to grow and potentially hurt you again. Quite honestly, I still don’t get it fully, and I know I have a long way to go in becoming a better forgiver. The ability to forgive in that way, the way God calls us to as followers of Jesus, takes incredible strength and faith. Forgiving the way God commands us to requires that we trust God with the final outcome, choosing to forgive out of obedience to God and a love for Him and others.
Over the last several years, I’ve had a front row seat in watching Nate’s faith deepen. I’m talking – utter dependence on God. In fact, one of the life verses he chose for himself during this “period” of waiting was from Psalm 33:20-22 “We’re depending on God; he’s everything we need. What’s more, our hearts brim with joy since we’ve taken for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you’ve got – that’s what we’re depending on” (MSG).
There are many times when I “borrow” his faith. When I’m feeling discouraged or impatient as we continue in this season of waiting, I (often) ask him, “Will everything be okay?”. Every time he responds in the same, God-confident way. He reminds me that the outcome might not look the way I want, but God’s the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow, and even in the deepest of valleys, God’s never failed us. Nate has this rock solid faith because He knows his heavenly Father. He knows and trusts His character. He has this confidence, because he’s spent time cultivating a relationship, making it a priority to spend time reading God’s word, seeking godly advice and spending time in prayer. He knows and has full confidence in the One he puts his hope in.
“Soul-sustaining belief comes not from what we’re hoping for, but from Who we are placing our hope in” (Holley Gerth).
I know with absolute certainty that Nate is able to love the way he does because God holds first place in his heart. I wasn’t always crazy about God holding first place in Nate’s heart. I thought it should be me. At times I was jealous of the amount of time Nate spent reading the Bible or listening to sermons online. But it’s because God holds first place in Nate’s heart that he’s able to forgive the way he does. It’s because God holds first place in Nate’s heart that he has this complete faith and dependence on God and can remind me of God’s unchanging character. It’s because God holds first place in Nate’s heart that he’s able to love more deeply.
Happy anniversary, my love.
Thank you for you being a shining example to me on
forgiveness, faith & love.