Memory Muscle

I flex my “memory muscle” often, but not in the gym or riding a bike (like I should). The memories I hold are powerful and I let them hold me hostage, increasing their strength and power over me.

It’s been well over two years since I was involved in a serious car accident, but I still tense up every time I see or hear a motorcycle approaching. I tend to hold my breath as we maneuver along the (highway) 401 or even into a parking stall. I’m nervous both as a backseat and primary driver.

There are certain places (like coffee shops, grocery stores or neighbourhoods) that I prefer to avoid, as they remind me of places I visited the day I got “the news” that altered the speed and direction my life was going forever.

In both examples above, my breathing becomes shallow and panic starts to set in. My “memory muscle” kicks in, and as I begin reliving those events in my mind, I become unhinged. Memory dictates the way I should live – in fear. “Put your walls up… we’re headed for the worst,” memory tells me.

Christie Purifoy writes in her book Roots & Sky, “We rarely feel stronger for having survived or overcome. We feel only despair. I cannot possibly go through that again, we tell ourselves.” She later continues, “I give memory a power it has no right to hold—the power to predict my future. I forget that God’s promise of newness arrives with a command: ‘Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!’ (Isaiah 43:18-19)” (page 26).

The thing is, I know I have a choice—I can choose to flex my memory muscle or my faith muscle. Unfortunately for me, my memory muscle is so powerful, it kicks in automatically, and reminds me of why I should be so guarded.

Like any athlete who trains, I need to strengthen my faith muscle so that it’s ready to flex the next time a destructive memory returns. For me, flexing my faith muscle may be acknowledging that even in those painful memories, I experienced the love of God.

My memory has power. I need to intentionally train it to remember God’s loving faithfulness. THAT’s what fuels my faith and propels me to move forward, instead of being paralyzed by fear. And it is in that place of love that I wait in expectation, choosing to believe that God is truly doing a new thing, which I can only witness if I am prepared to let go of the past.

But the LORD says, “Do not cling to events of the past or dwell on what happened long ago. Watch for the new thing I am going to do. It is happening already – you can see it now! I will make a road through the wilderness and give you streams of water there.” (Isaiah 43:18019 GNT)