A is for Accountability

Accountability

*** This is the first of 26 posts (working through the alphabet) on lessons life has taught me. Join me for the next 26 weeks! ***

So often we long for our independence, to be and to do whatever we think is best. Our culture celebrates independence and thinks that being accountable to others somehow hems us in, or makes us smaller. Perhaps we shy away from being accountable to others as we fear it signals that we are weak or somehow aren’t enough. I know I did. I was afraid of facing the truth, and letting someone else know that I couldn’t do it on my own. I was pretending that I was okay, denying the fact I was lying to myself and to others. It was… isolating.

Only after being burned by trying to operate on my own, (and I’ve had thirty-some years of experience doing that and thirty-some year’s worth of mistakes to show for it) have I learned the importance of accountability – in my work, marriage, and in life. I’ve discovered that accountability is an important safeguard that allows me the freedom to safely explore new ideas, and to grow.

Iron sharpens iron, and one (wo)man sharpens another – Proverbs 27:17 ESV

‘Accountability’ sounds like a scary word, but I think it’s often misunderstood. Let me share with you some of the benefits I’ve discovered of having accountability partners:

• Good accountability partners push you to to be the full & whole person God intended for you to be – the person He created you to be. A true accountability partner doesn’t want you to miss your purpose and never would want you to be a different version of your true self.

• Good accountability partners don’t reject you when you fail. They sit with you through the tears and shame, but love you too much to let you stay where you are. They give you the courage you need to try again.

• Good accountability partners aren’t afraid of new ideas or concepts. They aren’t afraid of being left behind nor do they want to keep you there.

• Good accountability partners aren’t easily shocked. When you share your secret, mistake or hurt, a good, a mature accountability partner won’t flinch. They understand that God is big enough to forgive whatever it is you are wanting to hide. They are also big (and mature enough) to know that they have flaws too.

• Good accountability partners aren’t afraid to tell you when you’re wrong. They aren’t afraid of healthy confrontation, doing it out of a place of love with the goal of restoration, not degradation or to make them feel bigger.

• Good accountability partners often don’t “look” like you. I will never forget the first time I met one of my most trusted advisors. I wondered how on earth she would ever understand me – after all, she was a lot older than I was… she was old enough to be my grandmother. Yet this dear lady - she’s able to speak into my life from… experience – out of her own pain and joy, having overcome her own hurts, habits and hang-ups. She speaks life.

Just because you are friends with someone, doesn’t mean they are the right fit as your accountability partner. Depending on the person or circumstance, sometimes they can be the very worst accountability partner for you. You are comfortable with them – and they you. Sometimes making positive changes in your life can create some uncomfortable changes in your relationship. Am I saying that I can’t share with my closest girlfriends? Of course I can. But sometimes it’s healthy to look outside of your safe, comfortable circles. And sometimes if you are really lucky, your circle will begin to grow & your life will be all the richer for it.

My truest accountability partners aren’t necessarily the people that I am closest to, and that gives them the freedom to speak frankly into my life. They aren’t afraid of how their suggestion or response will alter our friendship or longstanding Saturday night plans. Some of my accountability partners don’t know when my birthday is, or what I went to university for. But they are most assuredly, my trusted advisors. But I will say this – you’ve got to be intentional about these relationships. This isn’t about exchanging Pinterest ideas.

In her workbook, You’re Already Amazing, Holley Gerth writes, “While God doesn’t want us to avoid relationships, He does want us to be wise about who has access to our hearts. ‘Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it’ (Prov. 4:23). How do you know if someone in your life is safe? The short answer: if they love you the way God does.” I think Holley provides a great filter to help us discover who that safe person might be. We all need (at least) one person we can come totally clean with. Pastor and best selling author Rick Warren says, “I am only as sick as my secrets.” So let me ask you, what is it you are trying to hide? Friend, can I encourage you to go and find someone mature enough that you feel safe with that you can share whatever that secret is? I hope you will discover the breathing room that comes with that.

Like music? Here's something to listen to:

Healing Begins, by Tenth Avenue North